When One Door Closes, Another Door Opens

Sedona

It probably started the day before yesterday, knowing the time was getting down to the wire, preparing my son to be taken to the airport. I helped him by laundering his clothes. It’s a favorite mindless chore I do. Washing clothes, transferring them to the dryer, folding them while watching TV, putting everything away in it’s proper place. There’s not much to think about there.

He was sick all the way to the airport. He hates traveling and the thought of the ordeal ahead I think turned his stomach. By the time we pulled into the airport parking garage he was throwing up outside at the front of the car.

There was nothing I could do for him, except offer him my 7-up. I can help in small ways but I cannot take his anxiety away. We talked about it and he told me how he would cut the trip up into small segments. Find his flight. Get on the plane. Stop for a layover. Get on the next plane. I told him how smart he was to do that.

I asked him if he wanted me to go the ticket counter with him. He said that he did. Relieved that he’d let me spend as much of my last minutes with him as I could, I did not want to encroach on his abilities to find his way by himself if that’s what he wanted. I walked him as far as I could to the departing gate. My chest constricting as I felt like my heart was being ripped from the inside.

“Every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you.” Paul Young’s song kept swirling around my head. It’s just how I felt.

To offset what I knew I would face entering my empty home, I stopped at the grocery store. It gave me just enough time to not be alone, getting back from my drive to Phoenix in time to put away my purchases and then make it to my 3 p.m. Al-Anon meeting.

My ex-husband texted me, asking if I was alright. He knows. He goes through this too every time his children leave him and it was so considerate of him to remember me that I cried.

The topic of the Al-Anon meeting was on boundaries. It was a great meeting for me to attend, not only because I got to be in the presence of my friends, a group of people who embrace me as a part of this group, but because in listening to other’s share their experience I get to remember what boundaries mean. I live in the circle of my life and allow others to live in the circle of theirs. I shared about letting my son go. He has his life and I’m sure he was eager to get back to it.

When I got home I started the washer and dryer again. This time I broke down his bed and washed all the bedding. Bringing up boxes from the basement I packed the rest of his clothes that I will send to him. Christmas was good so he used up most of the room in his one suitcase. I boxed up all the extra bedding I have for the spare bedroom. I won’t need it when I move. Another family may enjoy all the moon and stars I’d used to decorate it. Besides, it’s time for a change.

I am keeping one small 4x4 inch picture that will remind me when my children where small and they lived within my world. Now they reach for their own moon and stars, they navigate their own worlds, and within my own boundaries I let them.

Today I woke up feeling much better, like everything is just the way it is suppose to be. I am alright as I course my path through all of life’s changes. The day before yesterday Grand Canyon Guy (see story here) called me, as he does from time to time, but this time the phone call was different.

You may remember we had sort-of-a-thing once. I met him in an Al-Anon meeting a couple of years ago when he used to winter here from his home in Iowa. We spent the entire season together, showing him places he‘d never seen, taking many pictures together. I really like him, I mean, I like who he is. He’s always been a good friend.

I think he asked me to move to Iowa, or at least he offered me a place to live there. I think in previous conversations he had hinted at this by mentioning the number of casinos in his area, but I wasn’t listening. I don’t know if I’m listening now, but I’m willing to consider…

When one door closes, another door opens.

I turned the conversation in this direction: I asked him when he would be back for a visit again. Perhaps, he said, he would consider a trip soon. “I think I’ll find a place in Sedona this time since we liked it there so much before.” 




We did spend a lot of time taking pictures in Sedona.

Every day matters