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I let myself sleep. When I woke up again I realized what that groggy feeling in my head, upset in my stomach, lack of appetite, and onset of diarrhea meant. So I slept some more.
Gratitude is having a couple days off from work to recover.
This week has been about me dealing with my impatience, grumpiness, easy aggravation, but I realized, as I usually do, that it really has nothing to do with what’s going on around me. It stems from someplace within myself that isn’t centered.
Gratitude is remembering words heard from the program that teaches me to contain my emotions.
Many times during the working night this week I would remind myself to pull it in. It wasn’t a good time to express my opinion because my outlook was colored by the way I was feeling. Just suit up, show up, do my job, then go home.
HALT. Realizing when I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired I need to consider taking additional care.
My sponsor says S can be added to the end of that acronym: Sick.
There has been a flu going around work and I’m sure, after sitting with a contagion in the break room complaining of symptoms, that's where I picked up the bug. I’m feeling better now.
So while I’m still quietly sitting in rest mode, I’m slowly coming back to my world. I met yesterday with my Al-Anon sponsor over my new found love, Chi Tea Cappuccino. There were no real issues to discuss, except I did talk about waking up with feelings of rejection from not hearing from my father in a couple of months. It’s been hauntingly on my mind often lately.
Things were going so well toward our reconnecting. In October, for his birthday, I sent him a card inviting him to a meeting over coffee during my trip home to California for Christmas.
Nothing. I’ve heard nothing so, of course, I go to that place where I wonder what I did wrong.
Wisely, my sponsor admonished me not to form an opinion until I find out more about the truth in the situation.
Today my father called and we talked for the first time in over a decade. I found out why he had not contacted me. It had nothing to do with me. Humility, I'm reminded, when I find out that the world does not revolve around me.
On the healing side of things now comes a wonderful opportunity, a gift you might say, to let the past go, moving on to the future, we leave the sickness behind.
There’s a time for rest, recuperation, for gathering the pieces of ourselves that allows God to reconstruct us anew.
Gratitude is having a program that teaches me how to move on, recover.
Every day matters.
2 comments:
I am sorry that you have been sick. But am glad that you are on the mend and that you did talk to your dad. How wonderful is that? Take care of yourself.
I know most of the time I am pretty self-absorbed always in my head.
My father was distant and I always waited for him to call. He did about once a year when my sister phoned him and gave him the number. He was always in his head.
I thought he was the parent he should make the effort prove I mattered. Now I know I am like him and he is gone, I should have called him.
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