Living With The Moon

When I was a baby, my father used to say, I would sleep all day and stay up all night. This, he would explain, is why my nocturnal nature is so natural for me.

It’s true. My favorite time of day is the middle of night. There is something comforting for me to be awake when the majority of my community is sleeping.

My children are the same way. Although their father is definitely a morning person, they too live on a nighttime body clock.

There are a lot of advantages to being a night person.

My schedule at work has vacillated widely this week. I’ve worked from two in the afternoon to ten at night, then started the next day at 8 p.m. It’s no problem for me to still be awake at four in the morning.

Yesterday I had the awesome pleasure of watching the total eclipse of the moon. I didn’t plan on staying awake to see it at 7 a.m., just prior to falling asleep. Incidentally I looked out the window and saw the moon half disappearing and decided to sit quietly to watch the other half cover. It was a beautiful solitary experience.

My daughter, who also works a graveyard shift in home health services, was sleeping yesterday afternoon when I caught the tail of an obsessive thought to call her. I called her three times, not giving it much time in between calls, until finally she picked up the phone furious that I woke her up.

I felt bad because I knew that my motives were selfish and my actions were inconsiderate.

My sister said it best during one of our recent conversations about family, it’s important to treat each other with the same respect and consideration we would offer to our friends and co-workers.

I sent my daughter an email. I apologized for rude behavior. I told her what I did wrong, and let her know how I would do things different in the future. You taught me how to make amends.

At four in the morning my daughter called me. Contrite now, she gave me her forgiveness and we moved on to the great conversation I was seeking earlier.

As her mother, I am not entitled to her life just because I carried her for nine month 23 years ago. There was a time when I got to pick her up and put her where I wanted her to be, but she grew out of that to learn to stand on her own two feet. I recognize and respect her as she pays her own rent, drives her own car, works her own job, and is putting herself through school on the University level. She is her own person.

And I’m so grateful that Al-Anon and the 12 steps teach me how to have successful relationships, with my children, with my friends, with my community, and with the world.

Every day matters.