The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for

and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool

for lovefor your dreamfor the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...

I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow

if you have been opened by life’s betrayals

or have become shrivelled and closed

from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain

mine or your own

without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy

mine or your own

if you can dance with wildness

and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes

without cautioning us

to be careful

to be realistic

to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless

and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty

even when it is not pretty

every day.

And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure

yours and mine

and still stand at the edge of the lake

and shout to the silver of the full moon,“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest meto know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up

after the night of grief and despair

weary and bruised to the bone

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

in the centre of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom

you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you

from the inside

when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself

and if you truly like the company you keep

in the empty moments.

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Let Go and Let God

Instead of holding on for dear life,
we "Let go and let God."

When we feel we have run out of options and
nothing is going the way we expected,
when we don't know what to do or
can't figure out what there is to do,
we can "Let go and let God."

When life is going smoothly and
we are trying out new and exciting ideas and actions,
we can remember Who is in charge of the results,
and "Let go and let God."

When an Al-Anon friend goes through a difficult time and
we don't know how to show our support,
all we need do is to let them know we are available
and to "Let go and let God."
from How Al-Anon Works, pg. 75-76.

I had the day off today and went for a hike with Canyon guy.

Our topic tonight at the meeting was, of course, Let Go and Let God. It's never been easy for me to just allow things to happen, so as it does I still want to get my two cents worth in of how I think things should go.

In spending the day with someone else I have the challenge presented to me as to what I should react to and what I should just let go. I decided to try not to react to much, just enjoy the day and allow things to be the way they are. There isn't anything going on around me that God can't fix and direct. I think for the time being everything is perfect... if I can just keep my will and ego out of the way.

It's been a great day.

A Love Story

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.'

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Happy Valentines Day!

The Rules of HALT

It’s been a frustrating couple of days. Not being one thing in particular, there seems to be a few things going on all at once.

I have received 8 deaths to qualify for the burial program at work…in 2 days. And as bad as that is it feels especially heavy for me to have to tell the majority of them they do not qualify. One or two at a time is bearable but so many this week has felt a little heavy. Alcoholism and parents commiting suicide to be buried by 22 year olds children. I am helpful to the alcoholic. I help bury them.

I received a fax message from one family member, I don’t know who, asking me to “Rot in Hell”. That was somewhat painful but I understand sometimes people don’t always react well in a crisis.

My washing machine has malfunctioned and I have run out of patience and clean clothes waiting for it to be fixed. I’m trying not to send the Maytag repair man a “rot in hell” fax myself. This I think is causing me the most frustration. When property management tells me that it’s an unessential appliance I beg to differ with them. My oven is unessential. Take my oven, please!

And it’s not all bad, just different. I am hanging out with Grand Canyon guy this week. Not that it surprises me that I like him. I always thought he’d be a fun person to hang out with. Now I know it’s true.

So much for flirty guy…you snooze, you lose. Grand Canyon guy has 14 years sober and 2 years seriously working an Al-Anon program. I like what I see in his program. This should be interesting.

When things start to feel a little overwhelming my sponsor tells me that it’s important that I take care of myself. Eat well. Eat right.

Well, obviously I’m not lonely…wink, wink. But more important than that is staying connected to my program people, my friends, my meetings. I am reminding myself to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, find the solution, wait and maybe there is something here I am suppose to learn. Don’t depend on laundry to make my life feel in order.

I’ve been sleeping better than I have been, but also my sponsor has me add an S to the end of my HALT. The S is for Smoking. Because my feelings, reactions, thinking are so acutely sensitive right now because of the inability to hide behind smoking I am trying to be a little bit more gentle with myself and give myself a break.

Life continues to be interesting. Hope yours is too.

Winter Arizona Style!

Having just gone through a stint of 60+ degree weather made me wonder if we were going to have a winter this year, and then it hit us, a powerful Pacific storm that blew through Northern Arizona Monday, ending early Tuesday morning after dumping from 8 to 14 inches of the wet, white stuff in the Prescott area. The heavy snow played havoc with cable and power lines, leaving many people without television or even electricity for hours at a time.

People who have lived here call this the most snow they have seen in 30 years. I think it's fun, especially since the worse that I have seen happen to my friends and I is that we are snowed in, perhaps the loss of phone service for a few hours and we have had to look for our snow shovels in the back of the garage.

My Grand Canyon friend offered to come take me to the Al-Anon meeting in the blizzard but as it turned out I had to rescue him. I have a 4-wheel-drive-all-the-time car. I knew that someday I would be living in a snowy environment, which is also why I have a black car, in case I slide off the side of the road and end up in ditch full of snow.

I have offered to help my friends who did get snowed in but by the time I finally got through on the phone the snow was melting so that they could move about.

Have a great day. Stay warm. Stay dry.

Live and Let Live

My first thought is why doesn’t this slogan say “Let Live and Live”. But I can see so many reasons why it is exactly as it should be. Live is my direction to take care of myself first. How many times have I put the alcoholic or what others think, need or feel before what I should be doing?

In talking about this last night at the meeting I remembered a time when I sat looking out the window for three days waiting for my alcoholic to come home.

Since I’ve been coming to Al-Anon I really have been given the opportunity to do things different. I have been doing so many things to take care of myself that when I think about all that, I really don’t have time to worry about needless activities going on around me. The more I put my head down and work on me the more acceptance I find for who and what other’s are up to.

Today I am working on maintaining my non-smoking status, which is now at 5 weeks, 3 hours, 59 minutes and 3 seconds without a cigarette. Just that in itself has opened up a world of new behaviors. I don’t want to gain weight from not smoking so I have had to incorporate walking into my daily routine, which also includes watching a little more closely what I eat. Not smoking is not easy, and not always my desired behavior, but the pay off has been being able to participate in more activities that I would not otherwise participate in because I would have to consider my smoking routine. Now I can get in a car and go off with friends and not worry about what I need or who I might offend.

I wake up in the morning to reading my daily meditation and a time for prayer to get my day started on the path that enables me to put priorities a head of my own thinking.

I go to two Al-Anon meetings a week. I attend a very small woman’s group in my sponsor’s home where we are reading the Big Book on Wednesdays. I try to attend an open AA meeting which I am hitting or missing.

I attend a class on Tuesday night to further my education and to learn something new, and find a way to contribute to my community and my world. I am expanding my horizons. I have my own passion, goals and dreams.

I have two sponsors, both of whom I call on a daily basis. I am working the steps with my Al-Anon sponsor.

I am sponsoring two young women in AA.

I have a circle of friends that I call at least once or twice a week, but everyday I am talking to somebody who is just my friend, not to mention visiting their homes, going out to lunch or dinner, the movies, etc.

I am working full time. I very much enjoy the people that I work with. I support myself and my two cats.

I am going places and doing things. I participate in my life today more than I ever have before and although I have rough moments lately I am finding I hardly have a bad day.

We have been experiencing a wild snow storm these past couple of days. Today the sun is out and we are blanketed with perfect, sparkling, pristine snow. What a wonderful wonderland it all appears to be. The storm was worth it to get the beauty that we have today.

Thanks for listening. Have a great day.

A Grand Story

A friend from AA/Al-Anon called me Friday afternoon.
He was feeling a little emotional,
wanted to hang out and asked if I was available.
I said I was.

He "winters" in Arizona from Iowa every year,
and has done this for many years.
He told me in all of his visits
he has never seen the Grand Canyon.

The next morning I called him.
I told him the Canyon was right in our back yard.
He said he couldn't go without making a plan.

I said, "This is the plan...come over and get in my car."
Being noon he thought it was too late to leave.
I told him the worse thing that could happen
is we'd see the canyon at sunset.

"But it's suppose to rain," he said.
"It won't rain that high up," I rebuttled,
"It will snow and be even prettier."

So he conquered his fear of heights and spontaneous fun
and went with me to visit one of the
Seven Wonders of the World.

We trudged the path on our happy adventure.

Explored new places and learned new things.

Made friends with the wild life.

Thought of all the layers of contempt prior to investigation
that we could overcome. Who could ever be bored with the
nature, eco-system, different sciences that could
enlighten us from such a beautiful spot.

After spending the day there, he said, "I've never just
taken off in my car to do anything like this before."
I smiled, happy that we did.

All of these picture were taken
with my cell phone camera!